16th November, 2020
Vaccines, vaccines, everywhere
And coming very soon,
December, Christmas, spring maybe,
And certainly by June.
Once more you’ll need a pinch of salt
To work out how and when
An Act of Faith in those who say
"It’s back to normal then."
15th November, 2020
Guilt by association
Is the point of track and trace,
The way by those in power
To ensure you know your place,
The Spanish Inquisition
And the Stasi were the same
Dictators will abuse it
To see you play the game.
14th November, 2020
How come all these advisors
That flock around in droves,
Popping out of woodwork
Like Carroll’s slithy toves?
Their suggestions were conflicting
Their advice changed day to day,
I guess there’s lots of cheering
If they all have gone away.
13th November, 2020
The country is in chaos
Yet they stage a playground brawl,
‘If I can’t have just what I want
You can’t play with my ball.’
And now we’ve been divided
It’s very plain to see
The only one who matters
Every time is Little Me.
12th November, 2020
Don’t think all these restrictions
Will vanish overnight,
When governments have screwed you down
They want the lid kept tight,
The Witchcraft Act was not repealed
Till nineteen fifty one,
There may be parallels, I think,
When all is said and done.
11th November, 2020
There’s promise of a vaccine,
Experts are lying low,
Shortly they’ll be telling us
There’s still some way to go.
They've had a taste of power, you see,
Their pictures on the screen,
It’s very hard to give that up
And become an old has-been.
10th November, 2020
The media does its very best
To keep us all amused,
With hospitals and quiz shows
And cookery reviews.
There’s glimpses into nature
Portillo on the train,
With all this erudition
What’s happened to my brain?
9th November, 2020
For Pete’s sake, Boris Johnson,
Go and comb your hair!
You look more like Scarecrow
Each day, I do declare.
A tousled look is charming
On a lusty eight year lad,
But on a slightly older bloke
It looks distinctly mad.
8th November, 2020
We stand to honour those who died
Though we are now in chains,
Of the freedoms that they fought for
Little now remains,
How many who defended us
Are still around today?
Their courage then
should make us blush
This day, and everyday.
7th November, 2020
I’ve got some coloured pencils
And I’m going to make a graph,
With lots of mystic mountains
And a downward sloping path,
I’ll scatter it with drawings
Of people hand in hand,
A glimpse into the future
Of a Never-never Land.
6th November, 2020
If you left your dog alone
Inside a flat each day,
The RSPCA would come
And take your pet away.
Quite rightly you’d be summoned
For lack of proper care....
I wonder if it’s ringing bells
Is something missing there?
5th November, 2020
Parliament's collapsing,
The stones are worn away,
It’s overrun with vermin
The woodwork's in decay,
Winter, Fawkes and Winter,
The demolition crew
We’re hanged and drawn and quartered
For what they didn’t do.
4th November, 2020
Governments don’t care for us
They only want our vote
I hope you’re taking this on board,
And making careful note.
So next when they come calling
With promises galore
You’ll sweetly say "No, thank you"
And firmly shut the door.
3rd November, 2020
Now you’ve lost your freedoms
As I warned you months ago,
But none of you believed
That this would end up so.
I’m afraid they haven’t finished
With their smoke and mirrors game,
For shortly after Christmas
They’ll be doing just the same.
2nd November, 2020
Spontaneous combustion
Happens now and then,
Sometimes to old haystacks
Sometimes to angry men,
I’m like an unexploded bomb
With incandescent rage
At unelected robots
Who would stuff me in a cage.
1st November, 2020
If a system doesn’t work
Don’t try the same again,
It’s the very obvious symptom
Of an atrophying brain,
People who have one track minds
Quite often hit the buffers,
Which leaves them open to the scorn
Of those they counted duffers.
31st October, 2020
Empty out the vacuum bag
And put it on your head,
It’s the very best protection
Just now, so the experts said,
It’s a pretty scary thing to do
Today is Hallowe'en,
‘Is this a monster that I see.’
Or just a mutant gene?
30th October, 2020
Panic is galloping back again.
Beware, the second wave!
Gloom and doom on the BBC
Faces exceptionally grave.
There’s graphs and wild predictions
To aggregate our fears
That if we don’t obey the rules
It all will end in tiers.
29th October, 2020
What’s the point of an election
When the MPs are ignored?
Rules are made by robot experts
For whom we’re counters on a board,
A postcode chance card sends us spinning
Landing us on ‘Go to jail’,
A sneaky game of snakes and ladders
With a sting in every tail.
28th October, 2020
Shutter every window
Put bars on every door,
I want to hug my neighbour
Like I have done before,
I never thought when younger
There would come a time
When tightly holding loved ones
Would be counted as a crime.
27th October, 2020
What has happened to compassion?
The Government has hearts of stone,
Spluttering relationships,
Letting loved ones die alone.
Giving alms, a Muslim duty,
‘Feed the hungry,’ Jesus said
Yet we stand round arguing
When hungry children should be fed.
26th October, 2020
Covid experts in the soup,
Know all pundits loop the loop,
In every changing rule I see
Evidence of insanity.
Track and trace have gone for broke,
Testing times are just a joke,
They have no plan but should explain
The need to lock us up again.
25th October, 2020
The clock has now gone back again,
I wish that time would too,
To when we were free people
And I could cuddle you.
To days when we could plan ahead
Be sure that things would be
Still possible at breakfast time
As yesterday at tea.
24th October, 2020
He who would a hermit be
Should try self isolation,
Now solitary confinement
Has enveloped half the nation
Deprived of social contact
Even monkeys run amok
What can the Government expect
When they impose a lock?
23rd October, 2020
He who would a hermit be
Should try self isolation,
Now solitary confinement
Has enveloped half the nation
Deprived of social contact
Even monkeys run amok
What can the Government expect
When they impose a lock?
22nd October, 2020
A kingdom that’s divided
We know it cannot stand,
Now Boris has fragmented
This once united land,
He’s opened up a can of worms
To find they’re killer bees,
e’ll never get the lid back on
How much he tries to please.
21st October, 2020
It’s no go on the hill sides,
It’s no go in the vales,
It’s no go anywhere you are
If you are stuck in Wales.
“Guide me, oh, thou great Jehovah”
But we’re not allowed to stray,
The Land of Song is silent
Till the virus goes away.
20th October, 2020
What is a substantial meal?
It all depends on what you are,
What would satisfy a mouse
Wouldn’t suit a Jaguar.
A Cornish pasty is a snack,
Come on - now get to grips -
Just put it on a larger plate
With salad and some chips.
19th October, 2020
There’s a stand off in the city,
There’s a stand off in the shires,
Andy up in Manchester
More money he requires,
They’re following the science
But experts can’t agree,
It’s time to sort this muddle
Out and set the people free.
18th October, 2020
Track and trace the Brexit plan,
That is, if you are able,
As politicians congregate
Around the conference table.
I notice that they don’t wear masks
Or keep a social distance,
Like others we could mention
They lead a charmed existence.
17th October, 2020
Flicking through the paper
For a place pour my scorn
The fishing wars are on again,
Frying pans at dawn.
The Frenchmen want our scallops.
It’s enough to make us snap
So hone your knives, my hearties,
And get ready for a scrap.
16th October, 2020
We’ve now released three tiers of risk
To help us state our case,
Medium, high and very high,
We’ve carefully put in place.
We cannot have a low risk plan
Lest people should relax,
It wouldn’t do for them to know
We massage all the facts.
15th October, 2020
Sage, a herb that goes with pork,
An older Chinese bloke,
Not a gang of scientists
Conjuring with smoke,
Sagacity, is wisdom
Honed by many years,
Not ominous pronouncements
That play on people’s fears.
14th October, 2020
Algorithms, algorithms,
I wonder what they are?
A jolly music combo
Playing in a bar?
A length of waving seaweed
That wraps around your oar?
Oh, algorithms, algorithms,
Please tell me what you’re for.
13th October, 2020
Freedom is in tatters
We’re governed by decree,
Unelected experts
Have snatched our liberty.
I think I warned you months ago
That trouble lay ahead,
But what sounded then unlikely
Has come back on our head.
12th October, 2020
Moaning Meg is off again,
She says she has been trolled,
“No one cares for little me,”
Once again we’re told.
She wants to live a private life
Not in a glitter box,
But if we took her at her word,
She’d soon be on the rocks.
11th October, 2020
Our puritanical government
Doesn’t want us to have fun
It likes to think we’re miserable,
It wants to know we’re glum
It likes to keep us separate
Inside a different box
And answers every problem
With another lot of locks.
10th October, 2020 – Verse 200!
The Congo has aquatic mice
They make the bogs their home,
They hunt with sonar whiskers
As round about they roam.
I wish that they’d stayed hidden
Not dragged into the day,
Ecstatically enthused about
By dear old David A.
9th October, 2020
Remember Herculaneum,
That city by the shore?
They didn’t heed the rumblings
Of what was there in store,
They didn’t take as ominous
The rumours that went round,
Rulers should take lessons
And keep their ears close to the ground.
8th October, 2020
History lacks imagination
It’s like the BBC,
It constantly repeats itself
For which we lay a fee.
We also pay for history
If we don’t heed results
That come from trading weapons
Instead of just insults.
7th October, 2020
Confusion on confusion!
Who the hell knows what
Is happening around
Now that they have lost the plot.
Cromwell cancelled Christmas
Will Boris do the same?
For a so called freedom lover
He plays a dodgy game.
6th October, 2020
Ring a ring of roses
The virus goes around,
It’s like a chain in dances
When your partners rebound,
Meet and greet then quickly move away,
Avoid that warm embrace,
On White House lawn or city pub
Close contact leaves a trace.
5th October, 2020
Please do not attempt
To wish another dead,
Curses have a habit
Of rebounding on your head.
Throw your bread upon the waters
Was my Granny 's boast,
And then, if you are lucky,
It comes back buttered toast.
4th October, 2020
If you wake at midnight and think you hear a rave,
Don’t go interfering, be silent as the grave,
Put the pillow on your head, go straight back to sleep,
If you keep it secret others will your secrets keep.
Five and twenty people partying in the park,
Having lots of jolly fun, especially after dark,
But should you meet the Track and Trace hot upon the scent
You don’t know where no one is, nor yet where no one went.
3rd October, 2020
This virus won’t discriminate,
It’s much misunderstood,
It doesn’t pick the old and weak
And shun the great and good.
It throws a spanner in the works,
It’s muddied an election,
And which way will the voting go
For natural selection?
2nd October, 2020
History repeats itself
We often glibly say,
But fail to catch the echo
Till the time comes round to pay.
We have a spineless parliament
Accountable to none
And this is how dictatorships
Quite often are begun.
1st October, 2020
Divide and rule the project was
Right from the very start,
They’ve split the country into four,
Forced families apart,
We are not free to meet our friends
For fear of revolution,
But locking students in their rooms
Is not the best solution.
30th September, 2020
I know where I’m going?
I wish that that were true,
Everybody has ideas
But no one has a clue.
Inside, outside, who can tell
In pub or workplace what’s the mix.
You smart phone will provide the answer,
How many people make up six?
29th September, 2020
Though none of us can count the cost
Of the springtime we have lost,
Of birches with their tender green
And bluebells spreading in between,
Present mirth brings hollow laughter
For who's to tell what comes hereafter,
And autumn sun like autumn rain
Once over, will not come again.
28th September, 2020
Poor Harry didn’t want to be
A second all his life,
But, sadly, now finds he talks
Two words behind his wife.
Look carefully at what you lust
Be sure you use your head,
It’s hard to reconcile yourself
When you have made your bed.
27th September, 2020
Hi ho, hi ho, it’s back to work I go,
Not the office, not the train
I have to do my work at home
Around the kitchen sink again.
I miss the daily gossip mill
The casual meeting in the loo,
To shoot the breeze and pass along
Who’s doing what with you know who.
26th September, 2020
Oh, to be insulted,
It makes me feel so good,
I know that I’m all right inside
If I’m misunderstood.
No platforming! I’ll close my ears
To those who disagree,
I’m picture perfect, truly woke
A paragon, you see.
25th September, 2020
Night air is very dangerous,
So Victorians thought,
You must keep all the windows shut
Lest nasty germs are caught.
And so at ten o’clock each night
We bar the tavern doors,
Hang garlic round about our neck
And sanitise our paws.
24th September, 2020
Of course it is the public’s fault,
The blame can’t possibly be ours,
Why should the young enjoy themselves
By drinking at all hours?
Now democracy is dead
And everyone’s a slave
Perhaps the National Trust will come
And sanitise the grave.
23rd September, 2020
Oh, what can ail thee, Boris J,
Adrift and vaguely bumbling?
The Sage has over grown itself
And only snitchers sing.
‘I met an expert in the town
He hastened to my call
And now he’s cast this wretched spell
That has us all in thrall.
22nd September, 2020
Behind what mighty fortress walls
Have they locked down our Queen?
It seems that many moons ago
Her Majesty was seen.
Her robust words of common sense
Would cut through all this guff,
‘gentlemen, your time is up,
Enough is quite enough’.
21st September, 2020
Mark the memorials with graffiti,
Throw the statues to the ground
Even if philanthropists
Spread their money all around,
The Past's another country
You can’t put right each thing,
And here in modern Britain
We’re not allowed to sing.
20th September, 2020
People died in springtime,
They’ll die in autumn too,
And though you might not like the fact
It’s absolutely true.
The reasons may be various
Behind each separate death
But the starting point is just the same-
Conception ends in death.
19th September, 2020
Three cheers for Van Morrison
Who sings the thoughts I think,
The thought of further lock down
Has driven me to drink,
I’m narked that I should have to pay
For cretinous TV
I should be paid to listen to
The doom struck BBC
18th September, 2020
The life boat and the coastguard
Were waiting on the sand
To give their help to migrants
If they should come to land,
‘It makes a change,’ the coast guard said,
‘From yachts blown far and wide,
Or saving brain dead tourists
Who are cut off by the tide.’
17th September, 2020
Now we’ve trashed the planet
We’ve moved out into space,
We haven’t put our toys away
Just let them drift in space,
And very soon a piece will go
And fall on someone’s head,
They’ll not be struck by Covid
But they’ll end up just as dead
16th September, 2020
Telling tales is not the thing
That English people do,
It’s drummed in from your childhood,
You know that it is true.
To snitch about your neighbours?
Your duty may seem clear,
But remember that your neighbours
Will still be here next year.
15th September, 2020
Cultural appropriationIs definitely taboo
You must be careful what you wear
And what you’re eating too,
Chinese takeaways and curries,
Tortillas, Irish stew,
Bananas, tea and coffee
Are off the menu too.
14th September, 2020
The Demon King has spoken
Cast another nasty spell,
But will it come back on his head
Only time will tell?
Six people is the limit
In a house or in a park,
But winter time is coming
And soon it will be dark.
13th September, 2020
A busy body's charter,
Covid marshals out in force,
A sheriff's star will be provided
And you’ll also get a horse.
Blazing saddles in the High Street,
High Noon, the market place
And a lynching in the tea shop
If you fail to mask your face.
12th September, 2020
I’ve gone off Boris Johnson,
And his wolves disguised as sheep,
He bumbles and he mumbles
Poor love, looks half asleep,
The experts have enthralled him,
They’ve seized his brain as well,
He’s just a helpless puppet
And the country goes through hell.
11th September, 2020
The Government plans to stick to its guns,
I wonder what glue they will use?
Extinction Rebellion could give them a tip
Their hold fast is oft in the news.
Rulers have found when there’s trouble at home
It’s wise to provide a distraction,
Tear up a Treaty, our Borders are threatened,
Is sure to provoke a reaction.
10th September, 2020
How far is it to Bethlehem,
Is it very far?
I’m off to have a Covid test
And plan to go by car.
I’ve got a thermos flask and rugs,
A spade in case of snow,
Like Captain Oates, I’ll be sometime,
So cheer me as I go.
9th September, 2020
There’s a groundswell of frustration
Which is growing day by day,
It’s gathering behind curtains
And it will not go away,
The youngsters aren’t the only ones
With their twitters and their tweets,
What starts like distant grumbling
Ends with rioting in the streets.
8th September, 2020
Are things getting back to normal
Now that Brexit's in the news?
A counter irritation
Where we all can air our views,
There’s Barnier and Borders
And Trade Wars if you wish,
But keep your trawlers from our seas
And your fingers off our fish!
7th September, 2020
I’m just a little snowflake
And I’m searching everywhere,
I want to be offended
Just to show how much I care,
I want to feel I’m virtuous,
I’m there for the oppressed,
And I’ll claim to be a victim
If I’m threatened with arrest.
6th September, 2020
U.K.
The left hand and the right hand
Are completely disconnected,
I wonder why you’re so surprised,
It’s hardly unexpected.
Each has a separate axe to grind,
Will they at length discover
How close they are to cutting off
The heads of one another?
5th September, 2020
Now fewer are commuting
What’s the point of HS2?
It’s the kind of prestige project
That politicians do.
It’s meant to signal progress,
To demonstrate their power,
While it’s actual irrelevance
Increases hour by hour.
4th September, 2020
Testing, testing, only testing
It’s meant to make us feel secure,
But to find a testing centre,
You must take a National tour.
Test at airports, test on door steps,
Gather data while ye may,
It’s there to show we’re making progress
Till the virus goes away.
3rd September, 2020
Lock down on and lock down off
So how can people know
What they are allowed to do,
Where they’re allowed to go?
Rule Britannia's on again
But will it change in hours?
We’re going round in circles
And Meghan's planting flowers!
2nd September, 2020
Now the teachers are back teaching
Can the doctors get to work?
We realise they’ve been busy
And their duties they don’t shirk,
But face to face, impossible,
It’s medicine by phone,
And unless you’re techno-savvy
You’re strictly on your own.
1st September, 2020
A school child back to lessons goes
Some changes he’ll discover
He has to wear a mask on stairs,
He must not touch another.
And just to keep our children safe
There’s guidelines from on high,
No jostling in the corridors,
No snogging on the sly.
31st August, 2020
Those who would avoid a risk
Should step aside from being kissed,
Germs are lurking everywhere
But often skip the debonair.
The eager sperm must take its chance
In Mother Nature’s mating dance,
The greatest risk, I have to warn,
Is getting here and being born.
30th August, 2020
Extinction Rebellion has sprung back to life
Infesting the streets and stirring up strife,
The lockdown gave foretaste of what they’d adore
And nationwide rallies are pleading for more.
Bored and frustrated with nothing to do
They’re eager to publish their own point of view,
The ravers are raving,they’re ripe for a riot,
They won’t be kept down and they won’t be kept quiet.
29th August, 2020
If you look for doom and gloom
Turn on the BBC,
But if you crave a lighter tone
Switch on to ITV,
And when it comes to weather
The difference is the same,
One focuses on sunshine,
The other speaks of rain.
28th August, 2020
Brexit and Megxit and BLM
Covids and climate and teenage mayhem,
The government's caught in a terminal spin
There’s too much confusion for me to take in.
The news is vexatious and it’s perfectly true
I can no longer stomach the weird points of view,
To have something cheerful would give us a glow
But winter's ahead with the wrong kind of snow.
27th August, 2020
History is the past, it’s dead.
A fact, you cannot change it,
Pull down statues, put up plaques,
You cannot rearrange it.
There’s good and bad in everything
Just try to find the best,
The people that do otherwise
Stir up a hornet's nest.
26th August, 2020
Land of hope and glory,
That’s what we used to sing,
But now we’re not allowed to,
It’s a very dangerous thing.
No more Rule Britannia,
Jerusalem is banned,
We’re forbidden now to celebrate
This green and pleasant land.
25th August, 2020
When the schools reopen
Will the children all go back?
It’s an absolute imperative
Their lessons are on track
And we must protect the teachers
If we get a second wave,
So just a tick, while we decide
Who else we need to save.
24th August, 2020
The regulations are confusing
Each one dafter than the last,
Is it worse or is it better
Is that another milestone passed?
The R rate, is it steady?
Graphs that rear like a tsunami
Making sense of all this garbage
In the end will drive us barmy.
23rd August, 2020
Midnight was the magic hour
For fairy transformation
Now 4 a.m.'s the deadline
For modern transportation,
The Demon King has cast a spell,
"If you’re one minute late
You’re doomed, and for a fortnight
You must self isolate."
22nd August, 2020
U turns are like boomerangs
They catch you unaware,
And algorithms are unmasked
As bias with a flair,
It seems that in a panic
To justify our acts,
We’ve conveniently forgotten
The fact that facts are facts.
21st August, 2020
Run up the Jolly Roger
For I spot another wreck,
A levels, GCSEs
And now the ship: B Tech.
The sailors are abandoned,
The Captain's lost his nerve,
He’s sent a signal up the mast
"It’s another learning curve."
20th August, 2020
"No one will be penalised,
"That’s what the experts said
‘"Because of the pandemic
Exams can’t go ahead.
Course work will be graded,
All pupils we’ll assess,
"But a trendy algorithm
Has caused another mess.
19th August, 2020
Another flipping U turn,
Give order marks all round,
Another whizz solution
Comes crashing to the ground.
The things we said tomorrow
We will promise yesterday,
A maelstrom of confusion
Has set us all astray.
18th August, 2020
Anti-social distancing depends
On the weapon that’s to hand,
A gun, a knife, an Exocet,
Bow and arrows, bag of sand,
The distance doesn’t matter
If you use the proper thing,
King Arthur used Excalibur,
Boy David used a sling.
17th August, 2020
Politicians don’t wear masks
To tell us barefaced lies,
They must appear responsible
And look us in the eyes.
Statisticians juggle figures,
Politicians spin the facts,
Figs don’t grow on thistles
And we judge them by their acts.
16th August, 2020
Disappointed youngsters
With futures torn apart
Don’t want a patronising word
To cure a broken heart.
Their efforts disregarded
Their ambitions thrown away,
But often what you rubbish
You’ll be desperate for some day.
15th August, 2020
I think I mentioned months ago
The dangers that we faced,
But no one paid attention
As down the hill we raced.
A temporary inconvenience
But not the kiss of death,
Like others who see far ahead
I might have saved my breath.
14th August, 2020
Now recession's seized us,
The wolf is through the door,
He’s prowling round the table,
He’s sniffing on the floor,
The National Health won’t save us
From the messes that we’ve made,
We’re finding out, alas too late,
Too high a price we paid.
13th August, 2020
The weasel words that haunt them
When suggestions have been spurned,
We’re really very sorry
And lessons must be learned.
It’s quite the easiest thing to say
But difficult to do,
For nothing is more hard to change
Than your own point of view.
12th August, 2020
Now we’ve saved the NHS
Let’s rescue Grannies too,
Mobs of jolly youngsters
Could give their elders flu,
This Grannie's nearly ninety,
As a child she faced the blitz,
She’s not impressed with bullies
And germs don’t scare her into fits.
11th August, 2020
We have a moral duty
To get children into class,
But morals don’t come into it
The whole thing is a farce,
To keep a social distance
On the bus or once in school,
You must be off your trolley
If you think they’ll keep that rule.
10th August, 2020
I’m sick of politicians
Now my life's been put on hold,
I’m sick of being nannied,
Made to do what I am told.
To hell with all the government,
Their simpering sidekicks,
Let’s go and build a bonfire
And chuck some well aimed bricks.
9th August, 2020
I think I’ve lost the will to live
Amidst this dire confusion,
Can there be a way ahead
Or is it an illusion?
A creeping lethargy has seized me
I no longer feel the need
For outside stimulation
For my brain has gone to seed!
8th August, 2020
Can we, can't we, will we, won’t we,
Dare we take a chance?
If we go to Belgium
Can we come back via France?
Asylum seekers manage
Packed in boats like tinned sardine
I bet when they arrive here
They don’t go and quarantine.
7th August, 2020
Track and Trace, that Dazzling Duo
Can be seen on BBC,
And, no doubt, with extra funding
Have a slot on ITV.
Is it telly's latest offer
Dench and Tennant in the parts?
Maybe with some souped up action
It will get into the charts.
6th August, 2020
I used to smile at staff in shops
And thank them if I could,
But now it’s quite impossible
To treat them as I would,
Every day in little ways
We’re driven more apart,
Divide and rule the mantra is
And small ways are a start.
5th August, 2020
Track and trace are here again,
Or is it trace and test?
You can be sure whatever else
The Government knows best.
When everyone tests positive
What will the answer be,
Will they lock us up for ever
Or claim herd immunity?
4th August, 2020
Panic's followed by despair,
Despair drags heavy chains,
And when despair has drifted off
Apathy remains.
But apathy is dangerous
For when it seems most quiet
It’s brewing up resentment
Which can end up in a riot.
3rd August, 2020
Close the pubs! Turn children out?
They ought to be in school,
We can’t have hordes of drunken tots
Hooked on playing pool!
I can’t conceive a dafter plan,
What logic is there here,
Unless, perhaps, it’s teachers
Who are swigging back the beer.
2nd August, 2020
"Wolf, wolf," the shepherd boy cried out,
The sheep were all confused,
"The emperor has no clothes on,
"The crowd were not amused,
"I see no ships," Lord Nelson said,
His blind eye turned to sea,
Ignored the orders, sailed ahead
And won a victory.
1st August, 2020
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"When we must make a check,
And see what we can salvage
From this bloody awful wreck.
The economy is reeling,
Morale is down the loo.
"The Carpenter said nothing
For he knew that it was true.
31st July, 2020
The aged and the technophobes
Can’t see a doctor now.
You need a mobile phone with apps
To soothe your fevered brow,
Can you be sure a person's there
Or is it just a scam,
The speaker could be in Jaipur
While you’re in Birmingham.
30th July, 2020
I’m getting fed up with the Government
And its contradictory laws,
I resent the fact that for several months
My life’s been stuck on pause,
I’m not impressed by the experts
And their smug, self satisfied grins,
I’m thinking of making a model
And sticking it full of pins.
29th July, 2020
What joy to see a flock of grannies
Cycling to a busy Mall,
Sticks and masks and safety helmets
All entangled if they fall.
I wonder how it helps the nation
Broken bones and crumpled bikes,
But stuck at home while they recover,
May avoid more Covid spikes.
28th July, 2020
Goodbye to Merry England
Now Puritanism reigns,
We sleep walked into slavery
We left behind our brains,
We can’t go out and party,
We’re not allowed to sing
We’re nagged about the food we eat..
We can’t do anything!
27th July, 2020
Face masks on, or maybe off,
Am I dangerous if I cough?
If I go, can I come back,
How on earth can I keep track?
We can be sure that what they say
Is not the same as yesterday,
Statements are made to stop confusion
Each day when we switch the news on.
26th July, 2020
We’re all in this together
Was a lie right from the start,
Face masks and social distancing
Are driving us apart.
We cannot smile at those in shops
It’s stand back when we meet,
Now eye contact is missing
When we pass by in the street.
25th July, 2020
Do you remember an inn, Miranda,
Do you remember the bar
With the nuts and the crisps and the banter
Where the ceiling was yellow with tar?
Oh, I can remember the fun we had,
The laughter, the people we’d meet,
It’s a weird world when sitting apart
In a pub at the end of the street.
24th July, 2020
I won’t go out to the shops again
Unless in desperation,
I haven’t the strength to stand and queue
And masks are a vexation,
What is the point of buying stuff
When there is no place to go?
So I’ll carry on wearing the things I have
And using the tools I know.
23rd July, 2020
Plastic, plastic everywhere,
Plastic, plastic in the air,
Gloves and masks and PPE
In the gutters, in the sea.
Microplastics in our meat,
Plastic beads in what we eat,
Very soon it seems to me
Plastic people we will be.
22nd July, 2020
Now we’ve got a vaccine
Or maybe we have not,
Another new ingredient
To stir into the plot.
"We need an even playing field
To keep us in the game,"
And if by chance it all goes wrong
There’s someone else to blame.
21st July, 2020
I’m forever forming bubbles,
Lots of bubbles everywhere,
Joining up and breaking down,
Bubbles floating in thin air.
But bubbles don’t do isolation,
Watch them cluster in the bath,
Bubbles cuddle other bubbles,
Quickly, someone, make a graph
.
20th July, 2020
It will be over by Christmas,
We’ve heard that one before,
It’s not the reassurance
That we were looking for,
We want to hug our friends again,
We need to be set free
From petty regulations
That restrict our liberty.
19th July, 2020
It doesn’t matter how you die
We’ll blame it on the virus,
We’re dealing with statistics here
So please, don’t over tire us,
A falling tree, a wayward bike,
A shove from off a cliff,
It’s the killer's explanation
If you end up as a stiff.
18th July, 2020
A road map to recovery,
A sat nav to success,
A guidebook of instructions
To free us from this mess,
Now Boris Johnson’s spoken,
A life line he has thrown
But will it work in practice?
That’s the great unknown.
17th July, 2020
This virus is a nasty thing
And in its tail it has a sting,
We’ve sacrificed the nation's wealth
To protect the nation's health.
The old will wither, but the young
Unto the whims of fate are flung,
Half educated, jobless, they
Are the ones who’ll have to pay.
16th July, 2020
You mustn’t go down to the shops today
Unless you go in disguise,
Everyone there has covered their face
Looking like amateur spies,
Muttered words and furtive glances
A criminal you’re made to feel,
Shopping never was a pleasure,
Now, alas, it’s an ordeal.
15th July, 2020
No matter what the statement is,
No matter how outrageous,
In two weeks time it’s different
For U turns are contagious.
Stay in! Go out! Please stay alert!
Are you or they deranged?
For when the info reaches you
You’ll find it has been changed.
14th July, 2020
Remember burkas were decried?
‘Letter boxes’ someone cried,
Now all of us must veil our face,
Even smiling's out of place.
Cover up your mouth and nose,
But underneath frustration grows,
How can I feel security
When your emotions I can’t see?
13th July, 2020
To be an expert is to have
A certain point of view,
But there maybe other experts
Who think differently from you,
The general public are the pawns
In this weird game of chess,
What is to players lots of fun
Seems muddleheadedness.
12th July, 2020
The masked and formless figure
That haunts our deepest dreams
Has come into the living room
Through television screens,
The bugaboos*, the shadow ones
Who lurk upon the stair,
Are in the shops ahead of you
To catch you unaware.
11th July, 2020
Cromwell would be crowing
At the laws we’ve passed,
No singing in the churches,
The theatres shuttered fast,
The statues have been toppled,
We’re recorded when we meet
Now masks to stop us speaking out
When we are in the street.
10th July, 2020
I have a jaundiced view of life,
It is my parents fault,
And what I hear, and see and read
I take with lots of salt,
It maybe very cynical
But the truth I have to tell,
Too often good intentions
Don’t turn out very well.
9th July, 2020
Money doesn’t grow on trees
Was our parents‘ cry,
But now it comes in bucket loads
Falling from the sky.
To get the country back on track
Is the Chancellor's aim
But better take a rain check
For he'll want it back again.
8th July, 2020
How many pubs were open?
How many people went?
How many pints were lifted?
How many elbows bent?
The Beeb doesn’t like happy endings,
It loves to say "Auntie knows best",
It homes in with its gleeful reporters
On three with a positive test.
7th July, 2020
Everyone burst out singing,
But now that isn’t true,
Singing is forbidden,
It’s a dangerous thing to do,
Go, tell it to the blackbird,
Put notes on every tree,
No more Rule Britannia
For Britons are not free.
6th July, 2020
Breathe on me, breath of God
But be sure to wear a mask,
I know that You’re almighty
And it’s a little thing to ask,
Some people have been terrified
And locked themselves away
And now they’re still too nervous
To face the light of day.
5th July, 2020
All the world's a stage,
But now the boards are bare,
No actors and no audience
Just dead and silent air.
The echoes of emotions
Hang in the empty space
A mirror held to nature
That nothing can replace.
4th July, 2020
A trip to the pub was a tonic,
With Guinness lined up on the bar,
Shoulder to shoulder together
With all of us having a jar,
But now for the future it’s different,
Be sensible, you must behave.
No touching, no singing, no laughter,
I might as well stay in my grave.
3rd July, 2020
What has happened to the Corvids,
Numbers eighteen down to one?
Are they lurking in the future
Or have they come and been and gone?
And what about these clumps of letters,
T. and R., and P.P. E.?
I know that they’re abbreviations
But on my part they’re O.T.T.
2nd July, 2020 – Verse 100!
These petty regulations
Are driving me to drink,
I want my reflexologist
The hairdresser, a shrink,
The anti-social distancing
Leave me out on a limb,
It seems my life is governed
By an expert's passing whim.
1st July, 2020
I said when this first started
That it would linger on,
And no one then believed me.
Now a hundred days have gone.
New and normal do not mix
And neither do they match,
Meanwhile our precious freedoms rot
Like heaps of mouldy thatch.
30th June, 2020
Name, address and email
If I want to have a drink?
It’s a pub, not high security,
Go, have another think.
Where will they keep this data,
And will it all be true,
Is it cultural appropriation
If I sign as Fu Manchu?
29th June, 2020
There’s a clandestine department
Which is working day and night
Finding things to fret about
To keep us all uptight.
The sun is hot, the sea is wet,
Use sunscreen in the shade,
Anything that stops us questioning
The chaos that they’ve made.
28th June, 2020
Another set of guide lines
What we can and cannot do
I must admit confusion,
I expect that goes for you.
Can we visit Germany
Or may we go to Spain
And if go to Timbuktu
Must we self isolate again?
27th June, 2020
Every time you tap your card
You leave an audit trail,
The same when walking in the street
Or sending an email.
They like to keep their tabs on us
So why the fuss with trace and track,
When the data is available
For anyone to hack?
26th June, 2020
It’s very hard for us to know
Exactly what to do,
When every single expert
Has a different point of view,
They think we are all longing for
The wisdom that they preach,
When most of us have had enough
And gone off to the beach.
25th June, 2020
You thought that this was freedom,
Hang on, hold your horses,
The devil's in the details,
The supplementary clauses,
Over caution maybe clever
Yet if courage still survives,
Please, don’t bend the knee to panic,
Take the choke hold from our lives.
24th June, 2020
Which of my three children
Will come to share my bubble?
Which ever one of them arrives
Could end in causing trouble.
Muttered moans and smothered sighs
May echo down the phone,
For the sake of family unity
Should I stay alone?
23rd June, 2020
Covid, a virus, Corvus, a crow,
It’s the sort of distinction you really should know
Rooks in a parliament sit round and squawk,
We in our parliament stand up and talk,
Corvids are clever, they even use tools,
They’re keen opportunists, and break all the rules,
Does that sound familiar, I’m hardly surprised,
A trickster's a trickster however disguised.
22nd June, 2020
Singing should not be allowed
And hymns in church be banned!
Whatever will they think of next?
It’s time to make a stand.
No sing-songs, no more opera,
If you speak, please, turn away
Except of course for politicians
Who must always have their say.
21st June, 2020
If you go Westminster way,
Any evening, any day,
You’ll hear the politician say
‘We’re brushing up our old U turns.’
Ministers all love the chance
Their reputations to enhance
Leading us a merry dance
Working on some new U turns.
20th June, 2020
Having given in to panic,
Brought the country to its knees
The Government is busy finding
Ways to put us at our ease.
Just forget about two metres
But stay alert and mind yourself,
And whatever else you’re doing
Please protect the National Health.
19th June, 2020
Trace and track, trace and track
Was the mantra some weeks back,
However now it’s coming clear
Cracks are starting to appear
‘We’ll get it working, but not yet’.
Pick a date and place a bet,
You may not go and watch a race
But have a punt on track and trace.
18th June, 2020
The latest from the A and E
Says you must book a slot.
Am I reading this aright
Or have they lost the plot?
Accidents will happen
Why or how or when
And as for dire emergencies....
You’d better think again.
17th June, 2020
The collective noun for experts
Should really be ‘a waffle’,
Their contradictory views confuse
They think we’re so much offal,
They’re in the game of scoring points,
Stabbing rival experts back,
It’s a pity that the rest of us
Get caught up in the flack.
16th June, 2020
If you go off in a train today
You’re sure to be surprised,
For all your fellow passengers
Are heavily disguised.
Are they dangerous aliens
Their voice comes out in wisps,
The really serious question is,
How do they eat their crisps?
15th June, 2020
They have their daily briefings
When the politicians spout,
And then the BBC explains
What it is all about,
I wonder if it’s paying off
To propagate their views,
When most of those I speak to
Say ‘I never watch the news.’?
14th June, 2020
They’re throwing numbers round again,
It really makes you laugh,
When they want to change the focus
They present a different graph,
I think they do it to impress,
Convince us that they’re trying
But all it does is underline
The fact that they are lying.
13th June, 2020
Up and down, or in and out,
Precede them all by ‘lock’,
The people that pontificate
Are now a laughing stock,
Their multiple instructions
Now change from hour to hour,
It seems that in a mad house
The lunatics have power.
12th June, 2020
And now, recriminations start to fly
Like angry wasps whose nest has been disturbed,
And virtue signalling waves her banners high
While ancient enmities proceed uncurbed.
Who said, and did and what they really meant
Will fuel debates for many months to come,
It would be nice, if someone could take charge
Remembering that there’s a country here to run.
11th June, 2020
Boris, get your finger out
And sort this hapless crew,
Tell them to get their brains in gear
Because there’s lots to do.
Forget the woes of quarantine,
The mess of trace and track
Just pick up the reins again,
And get your brio back.
10th June, 2020
Boys and girls go off and play
School is finished anyway,
Shucks to History, it’s all bunk
Ancient heroes, so much junk,
As we’ve nothing else to do
Let’s go and start a riot or two,
We’re exercising in fresh air
Just to show the world we care.
9th June, 2020
Big fleas have little fleas
Upon their backs to bite them
Lesser germs have baby bugs
And so ad infinitude,
The mini fauna on our skin
Is eating us alive,
And yet despite these dangers
Human beings thrive.
8th June, 2020
The siren lure of science
Has enticed this half baked crew
To abdicate their common sense
A mirage to pursue,
The experts that emerge from Sage
Swarm round like frantic bees
Proliferating policies
Though none of them agrees!
7th June, 2020
A thousand pounds to hug my son!
Is this the price to pay
For being independent
But wanting him to stay?
Those who put a price on love
Will pay the price in time,
And reap the harvest they have sown
By making love a crime.
6th June, 2020
Bacteria are everywhere,
Round the table, in your hair,
What’s the point of it, I ask,
That suddenly you need a mask?
Particles from outer space
Are zinging through your brain,
Don’t fret! You’re just a landing pad
For some exotic strain.
5th June, 2020
The Traffic Warden's back again,
‘Where have you been?’ I cried,
‘I’ve been at work from home,’ she said,
‘I had to work inside.’
I wonder how she checked on cars
Away and on her own,
I wonder if she’s psychic
Or maybe has a drone?
4th June, 2020
A trip abroad, then back again
To two weeks quarantine,
I wonder who’ll be first to break
This vital new regime?
I don’t think we’ll have long to wait
To see who flouts the rules
Because those in authority
Regard us all as fool
3rd June, 2020
It’s true, what happens when you’re small
Is logged inside beyond recall,
And patterns learnt in early years
Often give rise to adult tears,
Don’t touch! It makes my blood run cold
What they’ll be like when they are old.
Don’t come too close. You mustn’t share,
Can soon become ‘ Its mine. So there!’
2nd June, 2020
Pan has seized the people,
That’s what pandemic means,
He stops us thinking clearly,
He scuppers all our dreams.
His icy fingers squeeze our heart
His breath befouls our brains,
And when he’s had his fun with us
He laughs at what remains.
1st June, 2020
Boys and girls come in from play
But, maybe, not just yet,
When normal lessons will resume
Is anybody’s bet,
And when it comes to problems
The maths will surely beat us,
The only distances we’ll know
Are measured in two metres.
31st May, 2020
Oh, where are you going, all you small vessels,
Away from your moorings and on the dark sea?
We’re going to save our sons and our soldiers.
Without risk assessment, we’ll bring them back free.
Oh, where are you hiding, you stout hearted people,
Lurking in burrows, afraid to say Boo?
England expects you to rise the challenge
Like Tom and the others, the many, The Few.
30th May, 2020
Ten, six, four, eight.
Where do we all congregate?
To beat the virus, stay alive
How many parents make up five?
And if you’re still in any doubt
Across the border inside's out,
And, whatever else you do,
NOBODY must use the loo.
29th May, 2020
Two million now are unemployed
While crops rot in the ground,
Am I missing something
If pickers can’t be found?
To harvest grapes in foreign parts
They’d be off like a shot,
To help their fellow countrymen
‘No thanks, I’d rather not.’
28th May, 2020
To run back home to Mummy
When we are in distress,
Is a basic human instinct
To cure unhappiness,
We need a kiss and cuddle
To know that we’re okay,
And then we can go back to work
And fight another day.
27th May, 2020
If a boo-boo you have made
Don’t try to justify yourself,
Excuses past their sell by date
Are better left upon the shelf.
You’ll only dig yourself in deeper
If your fault you don’t admit,
Simple souls will spot the fudging,
Know the rights and wrongs of it.
26th May, 2020
Chimpanzees go round in groups,
Other monkeys live in troops,
A baby ape will clutch its mother,
Older ones will groom each other.
Just because we’re human kind
We haven’t left these traits behind
And left alone, we crave so much,
The blessing of another’s touch.
25th May, 2020
So who else will come out of the woodwork
Doing one thing and saying another?
Driving to visit their parents,
Hosting a passionate lover?
What’s sauce for the gander
Is sauce for the goose,
So just say you’re sorry
And quickly vamoose.
24th May, 2020
‘People believe in anything
Once they’ve abandoned God’,
So said G. K. Chesterton
That twentieth century bod,
Science is the new almighty
Who in answer to our plea
To stop the progress of this virus
Wrecked the world's economy.
23rd May, 2020
Trace and track, trace and track,
Watch your step and mind your back,
Keep your distance, dosi-doh,
Round about in circles go.
Track and trace, track and trace,
We’re getting somewhere, watch this space,
One step forward, two steps back,
That’s the point of trace and track.
22nd May, 2020
Sage, a herb, that’s meant for stuffing
Not for telling porky pies,
Nor for making strings of theories
Pulling wool across our eyes.
Cooking books, a wayward talent,
Fooling people can be learnt,
But those who deal in fishy data
Sometimes get their fingers burnt.
21st May, 2020
We thought that Peter Mandelson
Was once the ace of spin,
But he can’t hold a candle
To the lot we’ve now got in,
Their contradictory statements
Are a blizzard of confusion,
To think that someone is in charge
Is merely an illusion.
20th May, 2020
A bubble for you, a bubble for me,
If you’re in a bubble you’re safe as can be,
But check out the country before you embark
Is it six, three or two you can have in your ark?
A nuclear family can go for a walk
But mustn’t meet others, not even to talk,
But bubbles are fragile, bubbles go with a pop
So isn’t it time this confusion should stop?
19th May, 2020
He who would a freeman be
Should jettison his phone,
He’s spied on by the apps he has,
He’s spied on by a drone.
He’s recorded by Alexa
For the State has many traps,
And the easiest ones to catch us
Are user friendly apps.
18th May, 2020
Our mother tongue's a language
We learn by sense of touch,
That hot is hot and cold is cold,
A handful just so much,
And now our little ones are taught
They must not touch their friends,
Will they grow into young adults
With anti social trends?
17th May, 2020
I think I’ll take up fencing
Then when I want to fight
I’ll keep a social distance
So it will be all right,
It’s good to know that knife crime
Has shrunk by more than half,
So good can come of anything,
It has to make you laugh.
16th May, 2020
The time is coming presently
When we will count the cost
Of health and wealth and livelihoods
We’ve irrevocably lost,
When the pressure cooker opens
Be alert, it might explode,
For when frustration's vented
It goes to overload.
15th May, 2020
We’re really thrilled to tell you
We’ve got a splendid test,
We’re not sure just how good it is,
The scientists know best,
We’ll soon be testing millions
Or maybe one or two,
But when we’ve got it organised
We’ll tell you what to do
14th May, 2020
The experts make predictions,
They scrutinise their screens,
Spend hours in fruitless arguments
On wondering what it means.
Deliberations trickle on
Like earthquakes after shocks,
I wish that they would step aside
Before we’re on the rocks
13th May, 2020
The robots and the cowardly lions
Are led by men of straw,
Without a broomstick up their backs
They’d fall down on the floor.
The single good that has emerged
Before this chaos ends
That those who once were neighbours
Have now become my friends.
12th May, 2020
Alert! Alert! Please stay alert.
There’s virus everywhere,
We’ve coloured charts and graphs to show
And demonstrate we care,
The R rate is the vital thing
That under pins our schemes
And when I know I’ll tell you
Exactly what it means.
11th May, 2020
If I were fire I’d crackle,
If wind, a hurricane,
I’d level every building,
I’d shatter every pane.
I’m seething with frustration,
I’m spinning round with rage
I’m like an angry tiger
That’s shut up in a cage
10th May, 2020
We know you’ve had the virus,
We know you’ve got a son,
Now get your brain in gear again
And look at what you’ve done.
We need to save our livelihoods
Our children need to learn,
We’re close to losing patience
And then the worm will turn.
9th May, 2020
Remember Magna Carta
The base of English laws?
No arbitrary imprisonment
You have to state a cause,
Now these cherished freedoms
For which so many died
Like ideas past their sell by date
Are blithely tossed aside.
8th May, 2020
VE Day isn’t just a date
For people of my age,
It’s not another item
On a text book page,
It isn’t xenophobic
To rejoice at what we’d done
A fundamental evil
Was what we’d overcome...
Our gracious Queen will speak to us,
I wonder what she’ll say?
Will she rally up the troops
Like on St Crispin's Day?
We need her calming guiding hand,
Her wisdom to dispense
Since all her muddled ministers
Are lacking common sense.
7th May, 2020
The NHS is wonderful,
The NHS is great,
We worship at its altar,
Put offerings in its plate.
We gladly pay our taxes,
It’s practitioners we adore,
And when it comes to Thursdays
We stand clapping at the door.
6th May, 2020
Do what I say not what I do,
How often has this phrase proved true.
Do not adultery commit
Advantage rarely comes of it.’
They lay down laws for other folk
But for themselves they’re just a joke,
The moving finger on the wall...
Pride always comes before a fall.
5th May, 2020
The experts can’t extrapolate
The fall out from their acts,
They’re blinded by their expertise,
They deal in solid facts,
They cannot measure heartache,
Depression, mental strife,
Those subtle underpinnings
That influence our life.
4th May, 2020
The policeman’s work is never ever done
When he’s hassling old ladies in the sun,
When he’s performing noble feats
patrolling empty streets,
A policeman’s work is not a lot of fun.
A policeman’s swift reaction makes you think
When he’s locking up sun bathers in the clink
When he’s hectoring hill walkers
Instead of catching stalkers,
A policeman’s course of action makes you think.
3rd May, 2020
I can’t be bothered, I don’t care!
My granny would have thrown a fit,
That’s not the attitude to take
Hurry now, snap out of it.
But now I’m floating rudderless,
The compass up the creek
I'm not sure if it’s yesterday
Or the middle of next week
2nd May, 2020
The rich man in his castle,
The poor man at his gate
Was a form of social distancing,
I’m sorry to relate,
Now we meet our friends as strangers,
We exist behind a screen,
Keep far apart and do not touch-
Who knows where they have been?
1st May, 2020
The grave's a fine and private place
But there, I fear, do none embrace,
And it is just the same for me
Cut off from friends and family.
Who deals the cards? The Hand of Fate,
The clock ticks on and life won’t wait,
Who sows unhappiness will be
Rewarded by its legacy.
30th April, 2020
Will we, won’t we, can we, can’t we,
Should we wear a mask?
If all the experts don’t agree
Whoever can we ask?
Don’t be timid, be creative,
Dye it purple, paint on eyes,
Be courageous, be outrageous
Be a Master of Disguise.
29th April, 2020
Online Groceries
Three months ago a plastic bag
Was definitely non-U
Now they’re bred by Sainsbury's
In tasteful shades of blue.
Shall we save the planet
Or preserve the human race?
If the former goes we’ve had it,
my Lord: I rest my case.
28th April, 2020
Now Boris had come back to us
I thought he’d give us hope,
I find I was mistaken
It’s just the same old dope.
Decisions taken by default
Rarely produce a “win”,
It’s boldness which will save us
From the misery we’re in.
27th April, 2020
Home schooling was the brainchild
Of a self deluded clot,
Who thought that feral teenagers
Were desperate to swot,
Who thought that busy mums and dads
With offices indoors,
Would be keen to take up teaching
Amid their other chores.
26th April, 2020
Will this lock down ever end?
I’m losing track of days,
Tomorrow’s jobs get muddled up
With all my yesterdays,
The time when I can plan ahead
With some chance of success
Instead of playing let’s pretend
Is anybody’s guess.
25th April, 2020
What has happened to my nation?
Where has all its backbone gone?
When German bombs were dropping nightly
We kept our cool and carried on.
Now, like panic-stricken rabbits
We’ve scurried into hide holes.
Be more like Francis Drake, when threatened,
Carried on his game of bowls.
(Of course, being a sailor, he knew the tide tables!)
24th April, 2020
The National Office of Statistics,
It has a scientific ring
It’s used for massaging the facts,
Statistics can prove anything.
Take care, beware, the numbers game
They’re probably contrived
To focus on fatalities
Not those who have survived.
23rd April, 2020
St George for Merrie England
We always used to say,
Hang out the flags and celebrate
The dragon slayer's day.
But now the bars and pubs are shut
They’ll open - heaven knows,
But on the bush outside my door
A single scarlet rose.
22nd April, 2020
I wish someone would tell me,
Someone in the know,
The names of secret hairdressers
Where politicians go.
Except for dear, old Boris
Their neatly barbered locks
Are vanity personified
When they are on the box
21th April, 2020
It’s awfully bad luck on the country,
Our leaders have mislaid their wits,
They’re spouting unfounded predictions
And frightening us all into fits.
They love to stand up at a lectern
Airing their erudite views
But when studied with rational reflection
They’re designed to depress and confuse.
20th April, 2020
The stars are shinning brilliantly
The sky is cloudless blue,
there’s not a vapour trail in sight
An unpolluted view.
I wish that I could appreciate
The beauty that’s around
But this is now impossible
When I am now house bound.
19th April, 2020
The splendour falls on castle walls
But there is no one there to see,
The National Trust has closed its gates
Now it’s forbidden territory.
Stay in, stay in, the adverts shout,
Take care and don’t contaminate,
We’re losing freedoms every day,
We’ll soon become inanimate.
18th April, 2020
If it were a different species
We’d have other words to say
When virus strikes the old and feeble,
“It is only Nature’s way.”
Humans are a lot superior
There’s no problem we can’t fix,
But when the cards are on the table
Mother Nature holds the tricks.
17th April 2020
We have no time to stand and stare
But now this isn’t true,
We’ve three more flaming weeks of this
With nothing real to do.
I could be turning cupboards out
Or tidying some drawers,
But my mind has lost its focus
Now my life is stuck on pause.
16th April, 2020
When meeting people in the street
We do a Medieval dance,
We do not touch, keep far apart,
A hopeful smile, a fleeting glance.
Fleeting glances are expressive
Seen across a crowded room,
Now we greet our friends as strangers -
Dr Livingstone, I presume?
15th April, 2020
Mankind’s a social animal
Although he needs some space,
And overdoing distancing
Reveals a dangerous place,
I’m tired of being treated
Like an unexploded bomb
But if it carries on to long
That’s what I may become.
14th April, 2020
I’d love to go down to the sea again
With my bathing things and a towel,
But there’s no chance of swimming
With police cars on the prowl,
The little isles of Innesfree
Will yield no crop of beans
Because this X Y virus
Has scuppered all our schemes.
13th April, 2020
Boris Johnson is let out
Shout a big hooray,
Our leader is returned to us
To fight another day,
We need his mop of frenzied hair,
We need his cheerful grin
His purpose-ness inspires us
With assurance that we’ll win.
12th April, 2020
Easter Day should be exciting
Laughing voices, warm embraces,
But today the house is silent
Crowded out with empty spaces.
But take heart, the trees are greening,
The sun shines longer everyday,
Some time our troubles will be ended
Like lemon drops they’ll fade away.
11th April, 2020
Happy Hell is other people,
So John Paul Sartre said,
And into private bolt holes
Self isolators sped,
But after several weeks of it
The charm is wearing thin,
Shall we have a mass break out
Or pour another gin? Easter!
10th April, 2020
The garden is a loathsome sight,
Help! What a shambles,
The lawn is overgrown with moss
The borders full of brambles,
Nature abhors a vacuum,
Or so the pundits say,
But jumps in with a vengeance
If we look the other way.
9th April, 2020
Adolescents need some space
To stretch their sprouting limbs,
They should be playing in the park
Or working out in gyms.
The Devil finds some mischief
For energy confined
Tempers, pointless arguments
Are those that spring to mind.
8th April, 2020
I’ve lost track of the bin men,
I’ve lost track of the days,
I wander round benighted
In an existentialist haze,
I lean against the kitchen sink,
I hover by the door,
I wonder what I’m doing here
And what I’m looking for.
7th April, 2020
Summer is a-coming in
Loudly shout "Boo-hoo!",
For we are closed up in the house
With nothing much to do.
I’d love to wander through the trees
To roam some distant shores
But travel mags are just a drag
When we have to stay indoors.
6th April, 2020
Our gracious Queen has spoken,
She’s rallied all the troops,
Advised us to obey the rules
Not gather round in groups,
She sounded very serious,
She said we’ll meet again
But like the well known wartime song –
She didn’t tell us when.
5th April, 2020
Don’t go out in the sunshine,
Don’t go out in the air,
There’s lots of nasty viruses
To catch you unaware,
The pollen count is rising
The UV rising faster,
If you go down in the woods today
You’ll meet with a disaster
4th April, 2020
Speculation, rumour,
Opinionated views,
I’m fed up with the media
I’m fed up with the news,
They put the blackest spin on things,
Rejoice in gloom and fear,
Believe in less than half you read
And nothing that you hear.
3rd April, 2020
When time hangs heavy in your hands
There’s lots of things to do,
Puzzles, chess and scrabble
I’ve thought of one or two.
The few and simple pleasures
When you are stuck at home
Result in unsurprising things
If you’re not on your own.
2nd April, 2020
Isolation, unhappiness,
Businesses shut,
Extinction Rebellion, is this what you wished?
To cut down pollution
You sought a solution
And Nature responded in spades - with a twist.
1st April, 2020
Oh to be in England
Now that April's here,
I’d love to see you, darling,
But please don’t come too near.
A bow shot from beyond the eaves
The groceries the van man leaves
And so our panic state relieves
Because we’ve got a slot.
31st March, 2020
Home schooling? Who’s fooling,
The children run riot.
Why can’t I? Don’t want to.
Why can’t they be quiet?
We’ll fight on the beaches,
They’ll fight on the stair,
When boredom takes over,
They'll fight anywhere.
30th March, 2020
Bring me my deck of tarot cards,
Bring me my crystal ball,
I want to scan the future
To see what will befall.
There’s graphs and models on the web
And algorithms too,
But just between the two of us,
They haven’t got a clue.
29th March, 2020
The clock goes forward, not enough,
Should be six months at least,
We need some reassurance
When we can go off piste,
The media loves drama
And the panic that ensues,
So keep your equilibrium
By rationing The News.
28th March, 2020
With apologies to Lewis Carroll and Dame Vera Lynn
You are old, Father William, the Health Worker said,
You really should self isolate,
It’s people like you
Who are vulnerable too,
And shouldn’t go dicing with fate.
In my youth, Father William replied, with a glare,
We had far bigger battles to win,
But we’ll see it through
Just like we used to do
With good humour and plenty of gin.
27th March, 2020
Alas for those now stuck indoors
With teenage hormones raging,
Testosterone when not confined
Is really not engaging.
The energies they should run off,
Impossible when gated,
Close contact with our dearest ones
Can be over rated.
26th March, 2020
Be careful what you wish for
For someone hears your prayers,
It isn’t just Alexa
Who’s in the Cloud upstairs.
I wish I needn’t go to work,
The work will come to you,
I wish I mustn’t go to school
That’s been fixed up too.
I need some previous me time
A space to call my own,
Boris has arranged it
You have to stay alone.
The thoughts that flicker briefly,
The idle words we’ve said,
Are apt in times of chaos
To come back on our head.