Angela Lanyon's Corona Verses 1-100, 26th March - 2nd July, 2020
2nd July, 2020 – Verse 100!
These petty regulations
Are driving me to drink,
I want my reflexologist
The hairdresser, a shrink,
The anti-social distancing
Leave me out on a limb,
It seems my life is governed
By an expert's passing whim.
1st July, 2020
I said when this first started
That it would linger on,
And no one then believed me.
Now a hundred days have gone.
New and normal do not mix
And neither do they match,
Meanwhile our precious freedoms rot
Like heaps of mouldy thatch.
30th June, 2020
Name, address and email
If I want to have a drink?
It’s a pub, not high security,
Go, have another think.
Where will they keep this data,
And will it all be true,
Is it cultural appropriation
If I sign as Fu Manchu?
29th June, 2020
There’s a clandestine department
Which is working day and night
Finding things to fret about
To keep us all uptight.
The sun is hot, the sea is wet,
Use sunscreen in the shade,
Anything that stops us questioning
The chaos that they’ve made.
28th June, 2020
Another set of guide lines
What we can and cannot do
I must admit confusion,
I expect that goes for you.
Can we visit Germany
Or may we go to Spain
And if go to Timbuktu
Must we self isolate again?
27th June, 2020
Every time you tap your card
You leave an audit trail,
The same when walking in the street
Or sending an email.
They like to keep their tabs on us
So why the fuss with trace and track,
When the data is available
For anyone to hack?
26th June, 2020
It’s very hard for us to know
Exactly what to do,
When every single expert
Has a different point of view,
They think we are all longing for
The wisdom that they preach,
When most of us have had enough
And gone off to the beach.
25th June, 2020
You thought that this was freedom,
Hang on, hold your horses,
The devil's in the details,
The supplementary clauses,
Over caution maybe clever
Yet if courage still survives,
Please, don’t bend the knee to panic,
Take the choke hold from our lives.
24th June, 2020
Which of my three children
Will come to share my bubble?
Which ever one of them arrives
Could end in causing trouble.
Muttered moans and smothered sighs
May echo down the phone,
For the sake of family unity
Should I stay alone?
23rd June, 2020
Covid, a virus, Corvus, a crow,
It’s the sort of distinction you really should know
Rooks in a parliament sit round and squawk,
We in our parliament stand up and talk,
Corvids are clever, they even use tools,
They’re keen opportunists, and break all the rules,
Does that sound familiar, I’m hardly surprised,
A trickster's a trickster however disguised.
22nd June, 2020
Singing should not be allowed
And hymns in church be banned!
Whatever will they think of next?
It’s time to make a stand.
No sing-songs, no more opera,
If you speak, please, turn away
Except of course for politicians
Who must always have their say.
21st June, 2020
If you go Westminster way,
Any evening, any day,
You’ll hear the politician say
‘We’re brushing up our old U turns.’
Ministers all love the chance
Their reputations to enhance
Leading us a merry dance
Working on some new U turns.
20th June, 2020
Having given in to panic,
Brought the country to its knees
The Government is busy finding
Ways to put us at our ease.
Just forget about two metres
But stay alert and mind yourself,
And whatever else you’re doing
Please protect the National Health.
19th June, 2020
Trace and track, trace and track
Was the mantra some weeks back,
However now it’s coming clear
Cracks are starting to appear
‘We’ll get it working, but not yet’.
Pick a date and place a bet,
You may not go and watch a race
But have a punt on track and trace.
18th June, 2020
The latest from the A and E
Says you must book a slot.
Am I reading this aright
Or have they lost the plot?
Accidents will happen
Why or how or when
And as for dire emergencies....
You’d better think again.
17th June, 2020
The collective noun for experts
Should really be ‘a waffle’,
Their contradictory views confuse
They think we’re so much offal,
They’re in the game of scoring points,
Stabbing rival experts back,
It’s a pity that the rest of us
Get caught up in the flack.
16th June, 2020
If you go off in a train today
You’re sure to be surprised,
For all your fellow passengers
Are heavily disguised.
Are they dangerous aliens
Their voice comes out in wisps,
The really serious question is,
How do they eat their crisps?
15th June, 2020
They have their daily briefings
When the politicians spout,
And then the BBC explains
What it is all about,
I wonder if it’s paying off
To propagate their views,
When most of those I speak to
Say ‘I never watch the news.’?
14th June, 2020
They’re throwing numbers round again,
It really makes you laugh,
When they want to change the focus
They present a different graph,
I think they do it to impress,
Convince us that they’re trying
But all it does is underline
The fact that they are lying.
13th June, 2020
Up and down, or in and out,
Precede them all by ‘lock’,
The people that pontificate
Are now a laughing stock,
Their multiple instructions
Now change from hour to hour,
It seems that in a mad house
The lunatics have power.
12th June, 2020
And now, recriminations start to fly
Like angry wasps whose nest has been disturbed,
And virtue signalling waves her banners high
While ancient enmities proceed uncurbed.
Who said, and did and what they really meant
Will fuel debates for many months to come,
It would be nice, if someone could take charge
Remembering that there’s a country here to run.
11th June, 2020
Boris, get your finger out
And sort this hapless crew,
Tell them to get their brains in gear
Because there’s lots to do.
Forget the woes of quarantine,
The mess of trace and track
Just pick up the reins again,
And get your brio back.
10th June, 2020
Boys and girls go off and play
School is finished anyway,
Shucks to History, it’s all bunk
Ancient heroes, so much junk,
As we’ve nothing else to do
Let’s go and start a riot or two,
We’re exercising in fresh air
Just to show the world we care.
9th June, 2020
Big fleas have little fleas
Upon their backs to bite them
Lesser germs have baby bugs
And so ad infinitude,
The mini fauna on our skin
Is eating us alive,
And yet despite these dangers
Human beings thrive.
8th June, 2020
The siren lure of science
Has enticed this half baked crew
To abdicate their common sense
A mirage to pursue,
The experts that emerge from Sage
Swarm round like frantic bees
Proliferating policies
Though none of them agrees!
7th June, 2020
A thousand pounds to hug my son!
Is this the price to pay
For being independent
But wanting him to stay?
Those who put a price on love
Will pay the price in time,
And reap the harvest they have sown
By making love a crime.
6th June, 2020
Bacteria are everywhere,
Round the table, in your hair,
What’s the point of it, I ask,
That suddenly you need a mask?
Particles from outer space
Are zinging through your brain,
Don’t fret! You’re just a landing pad
For some exotic strain.
5th June, 2020
The Traffic Warden's back again,
‘Where have you been?’ I cried,
‘I’ve been at work from home,’ she said,
‘I had to work inside.’
I wonder how she checked on cars
Away and on her own,
I wonder if she’s psychic
Or maybe has a drone?
4th June, 2020
A trip abroad, then back again
To two weeks quarantine,
I wonder who’ll be first to break
This vital new regime?
I don’t think we’ll have long to wait
To see who flouts the rules
Because those in authority
Regard us all as fool
3rd June, 2020
It’s true, what happens when you’re small
Is logged inside beyond recall,
And patterns learnt in early years
Often give rise to adult tears,
Don’t touch! It makes my blood run cold
What they’ll be like when they are old.
Don’t come too close. You mustn’t share,
Can soon become ‘ Its mine. So there!’
2nd June, 2020
Pan has seized the people,
That’s what pandemic means,
He stops us thinking clearly,
He scuppers all our dreams.
His icy fingers squeeze our heart
His breath befouls our brains,
And when he’s had his fun with us
He laughs at what remains.
1st June, 2020
Boys and girls come in from play
But, maybe, not just yet,
When normal lessons will resume
Is anybody’s bet,
And when it comes to problems
The maths will surely beat us,
The only distances we’ll know
Are measured in two metres.
31st May, 2020
Oh, where are you going, all you small vessels,
Away from your moorings and on the dark sea?
We’re going to save our sons and our soldiers.
Without risk assessment, we’ll bring them back free.
Oh, where are you hiding, you stout hearted people,
Lurking in burrows, afraid to say Boo?
England expects you to rise the challenge
Like Tom and the others, the many, The Few.
30th May, 2020
Ten, six, four, eight.
Where do we all congregate?
To beat the virus, stay alive
How many parents make up five?
And if you’re still in any doubt
Across the border inside's out,
And, whatever else you do,
NOBODY must use the loo.
29th May, 2020
Two million now are unemployed
While crops rot in the ground,
Am I missing something
If pickers can’t be found?
To harvest grapes in foreign parts
They’d be off like a shot,
To help their fellow countrymen
‘No thanks, I’d rather not.’
28th May, 2020
To run back home to Mummy
When we are in distress,
Is a basic human instinct
To cure unhappiness,
We need a kiss and cuddle
To know that we’re okay,
And then we can go back to work
And fight another day.
27th May, 2020
If a boo-boo you have made
Don’t try to justify yourself,
Excuses past their sell by date
Are better left upon the shelf.
You’ll only dig yourself in deeper
If your fault you don’t admit,
Simple souls will spot the fudging,
Know the rights and wrongs of it.
26th May, 2020
Chimpanzees go round in groups,
Other monkeys live in troops,
A baby ape will clutch its mother,
Older ones will groom each other.
Just because we’re human kind
We haven’t left these traits behind
And left alone, we crave so much,
The blessing of another’s touch.
25th May, 2020
So who else will come out of the woodwork
Doing one thing and saying another?
Driving to visit their parents,
Hosting a passionate lover?
What’s sauce for the gander
Is sauce for the goose,
So just say you’re sorry
And quickly vamoose.
24th May, 2020
‘People believe in anything
Once they’ve abandoned God’,
So said G. K. Chesterton
That twentieth century bod,
Science is the new almighty
Who in answer to our plea
To stop the progress of this virus
Wrecked the world's economy.
23rd May, 2020
Trace and track, trace and track,
Watch your step and mind your back,
Keep your distance, dosi-doh,
Round about in circles go.
Track and trace, track and trace,
We’re getting somewhere, watch this space,
One step forward, two steps back,
That’s the point of trace and track.
22nd May, 2020
Sage, a herb, that’s meant for stuffing
Not for telling porky pies,
Nor for making strings of theories
Pulling wool across our eyes.
Cooking books, a wayward talent,
Fooling people can be learnt,
But those who deal in fishy data
Sometimes get their fingers burnt.
21st May, 2020
We thought that Peter Mandelson
Was once the ace of spin,
But he can’t hold a candle
To the lot we’ve now got in,
Their contradictory statements
Are a blizzard of confusion,
To think that someone is in charge
Is merely an illusion.
20th May, 2020
A bubble for you, a bubble for me,
If you’re in a bubble you’re safe as can be,
But check out the country before you embark
Is it six, three or two you can have in your ark?
A nuclear family can go for a walk
But mustn’t meet others, not even to talk,
But bubbles are fragile, bubbles go with a pop
So isn’t it time this confusion should stop?
19th May, 2020
He who would a freeman be
Should jettison his phone,
He’s spied on by the apps he has,
He’s spied on by a drone.
He’s recorded by Alexa
For the State has many traps,
And the easiest ones to catch us
Are user friendly apps.
18th May, 2020
Our mother tongue's a language
We learn by sense of touch,
That hot is hot and cold is cold,
A handful just so much,
And now our little ones are taught
They must not touch their friends,
Will they grow into young adults
With anti social trends?
17th May, 2020
I think I’ll take up fencing
Then when I want to fight
I’ll keep a social distance
So it will be all right,
It’s good to know that knife crime
Has shrunk by more than half,
So good can come of anything,
It has to make you laugh.
16th May, 2020
The time is coming presently
When we will count the cost
Of health and wealth and livelihoods
We’ve irrevocably lost,
When the pressure cooker opens
Be alert, it might explode,
For when frustration's vented
It goes to overload.
15th May, 2020
We’re really thrilled to tell you
We’ve got a splendid test,
We’re not sure just how good it is,
The scientists know best,
We’ll soon be testing millions
Or maybe one or two,
But when we’ve got it organised
We’ll tell you what to do
14th May, 2020
The experts make predictions,
They scrutinise their screens,
Spend hours in fruitless arguments
On wondering what it means.
Deliberations trickle on
Like earthquakes after shocks,
I wish that they would step aside
Before we’re on the rocks
13th May, 2020
The robots and the cowardly lions
Are led by men of straw,
Without a broomstick up their backs
They’d fall down on the floor.
The single good that has emerged
Before this chaos ends
That those who once were neighbours
Have now become my friends.
12th May, 2020
Alert! Alert! Please stay alert.
There’s virus everywhere,
We’ve coloured charts and graphs to show
And demonstrate we care,
The R rate is the vital thing
That under pins our schemes
And when I know I’ll tell you
Exactly what it means.
11th May, 2020
If I were fire I’d crackle,
If wind, a hurricane,
I’d level every building,
I’d shatter every pane.
I’m seething with frustration,
I’m spinning round with rage
I’m like an angry tiger
That’s shut up in a cage
10th May, 2020
We know you’ve had the virus,
We know you’ve got a son,
Now get your brain in gear again
And look at what you’ve done.
We need to save our livelihoods
Our children need to learn,
We’re close to losing patience
And then the worm will turn.
9th May, 2020
Remember Magna Carta
The base of English laws?
No arbitrary imprisonment
You have to state a cause,
Now these cherished freedoms
For which so many died
Like ideas past their sell by date
Are blithely tossed aside.
8th May, 2020
VE Day isn’t just a date
For people of my age,
It’s not another item
On a text book page,
It isn’t xenophobic
To rejoice at what we’d done
A fundamental evil
Was what we’d overcome...
Our gracious Queen will speak to us,
I wonder what she’ll say?
Will she rally up the troops
Like on St Crispin's Day?
We need her calming guiding hand,
Her wisdom to dispense
Since all her muddled ministers
Are lacking common sense.
7th May, 2020
The NHS is wonderful,
The NHS is great,
We worship at its altar,
Put offerings in its plate.
We gladly pay our taxes,
It’s practitioners we adore,
And when it comes to Thursdays
We stand clapping at the door.
6th May, 2020
Do what I say not what I do,
How often has this phrase proved true.
Do not adultery commit
Advantage rarely comes of it.’
They lay down laws for other folk
But for themselves they’re just a joke,
The moving finger on the wall...
Pride always comes before a fall.
5th May, 2020
The experts can’t extrapolate
The fall out from their acts,
They’re blinded by their expertise,
They deal in solid facts,
They cannot measure heartache,
Depression, mental strife,
Those subtle underpinnings
That influence our life.
4th May, 2020
The policeman’s work is never ever done
When he’s hassling old ladies in the sun,
When he’s performing noble feats
patrolling empty streets,
A policeman’s work is not a lot of fun.
A policeman’s swift reaction makes you think
When he’s locking up sun bathers in the clink
When he’s hectoring hill walkers
Instead of catching stalkers,
A policeman’s course of action makes you think.
3rd May, 2020
I can’t be bothered, I don’t care!
My granny would have thrown a fit,
That’s not the attitude to take
Hurry now, snap out of it.
But now I’m floating rudderless,
The compass up the creek
I'm not sure if it’s yesterday
Or the middle of next week
2nd May, 2020
The rich man in his castle,
The poor man at his gate
Was a form of social distancing,
I’m sorry to relate,
Now we meet our friends as strangers,
We exist behind a screen,
Keep far apart and do not touch-
Who knows where they have been?
1st May, 2020
The grave's a fine and private place
But there, I fear, do none embrace,
And it is just the same for me
Cut off from friends and family.
Who deals the cards? The Hand of Fate,
The clock ticks on and life won’t wait,
Who sows unhappiness will be
Rewarded by its legacy.
30th April, 2020
Will we, won’t we, can we, can’t we,
Should we wear a mask?
If all the experts don’t agree
Whoever can we ask?
Don’t be timid, be creative,
Dye it purple, paint on eyes,
Be courageous, be outrageous
Be a Master of Disguise.
29th April, 2020
Online Groceries
Three months ago a plastic bag
Was definitely non-U
Now they’re bred by Sainsbury's
In tasteful shades of blue.
Shall we save the planet
Or preserve the human race?
If the former goes we’ve had it,
my Lord: I rest my case.
28th April, 2020
Now Boris had come back to us
I thought he’d give us hope,
I find I was mistaken
It’s just the same old dope.
Decisions taken by default
Rarely produce a “win”,
It’s boldness which will save us
From the misery we’re in.
27th April, 2020
Home schooling was the brainchild
Of a self deluded clot,
Who thought that feral teenagers
Were desperate to swot,
Who thought that busy mums and dads
With offices indoors,
Would be keen to take up teaching
Amid their other chores.
26th April, 2020
Will this lock down ever end?
I’m losing track of days,
Tomorrow’s jobs get muddled up
With all my yesterdays,
The time when I can plan ahead
With some chance of success
Instead of playing let’s pretend
Is anybody’s guess.
25th April, 2020
What has happened to my nation?
Where has all its backbone gone?
When German bombs were dropping nightly
We kept our cool and carried on.
Now, like panic-stricken rabbits
We’ve scurried into hide holes.
Be more like Francis Drake, when threatened,
Carried on his game of bowls.
(Of course, being a sailor, he knew the tide tables!)
24th April, 2020
The National Office of Statistics,
It has a scientific ring
It’s used for massaging the facts,
Statistics can prove anything.
Take care, beware, the numbers game
They’re probably contrived
To focus on fatalities
Not those who have survived.
23rd April, 2020
St George for Merrie England
We always used to say,
Hang out the flags and celebrate
The dragon slayer's day.
But now the bars and pubs are shut
They’ll open - heaven knows,
But on the bush outside my door
A single scarlet rose.
22nd April, 2020
I wish someone would tell me,
Someone in the know,
The names of secret hairdressers
Where politicians go.
Except for dear, old Boris
Their neatly barbered locks
Are vanity personified
When they are on the box
21th April, 2020
It’s awfully bad luck on the country,
Our leaders have mislaid their wits,
They’re spouting unfounded predictions
And frightening us all into fits.
They love to stand up at a lectern
Airing their erudite views
But when studied with rational reflection
They’re designed to depress and confuse.
20th April, 2020
The stars are shinning brilliantly
The sky is cloudless blue,
there’s not a vapour trail in sight
An unpolluted view.
I wish that I could appreciate
The beauty that’s around
But this is now impossible
When I am now house bound.
19th April, 2020
The splendour falls on castle walls
But there is no one there to see,
The National Trust has closed its gates
Now it’s forbidden territory.
Stay in, stay in, the adverts shout,
Take care and don’t contaminate,
We’re losing freedoms every day,
We’ll soon become inanimate.
18th April, 2020
If it were a different species
We’d have other words to say
When virus strikes the old and feeble,
“It is only Nature’s way.”
Humans are a lot superior
There’s no problem we can’t fix,
But when the cards are on the table
Mother Nature holds the tricks.
17th April 2020
We have no time to stand and stare
But now this isn’t true,
We’ve three more flaming weeks of this
With nothing real to do.
I could be turning cupboards out
Or tidying some drawers,
But my mind has lost its focus
Now my life is stuck on pause.
16th April, 2020
When meeting people in the street
We do a Medieval dance,
We do not touch, keep far apart,
A hopeful smile, a fleeting glance.
Fleeting glances are expressive
Seen across a crowded room,
Now we greet our friends as strangers -
Dr Livingstone, I presume?
15th April, 2020
Mankind’s a social animal
Although he needs some space,
And overdoing distancing
Reveals a dangerous place,
I’m tired of being treated
Like an unexploded bomb
But if it carries on to long
That’s what I may become.
14th April, 2020
I’d love to go down to the sea again
With my bathing things and a towel,
But there’s no chance of swimming
With police cars on the prowl,
The little isles of Innesfree
Will yield no crop of beans
Because this X Y virus
Has scuppered all our schemes.
13th April, 2020
Boris Johnson is let out
Shout a big hooray,
Our leader is returned to us
To fight another day,
We need his mop of frenzied hair,
We need his cheerful grin
His purpose-ness inspires us
With assurance that we’ll win.
12th April, 2020
Easter Day should be exciting
Laughing voices, warm embraces,
But today the house is silent
Crowded out with empty spaces.
But take heart, the trees are greening,
The sun shines longer everyday,
Some time our troubles will be ended
Like lemon drops they’ll fade away.
11th April, 2020
Happy Hell is other people,
So John Paul Sartre said,
And into private bolt holes
Self isolators sped,
But after several weeks of it
The charm is wearing thin,
Shall we have a mass break out
Or pour another gin? Easter!
10th April, 2020
The garden is a loathsome sight,
Help! What a shambles,
The lawn is overgrown with moss
The borders full of brambles,
Nature abhors a vacuum,
Or so the pundits say,
But jumps in with a vengeance
If we look the other way.
9th April, 2020
Adolescents need some space
To stretch their sprouting limbs,
They should be playing in the park
Or working out in gyms.
The Devil finds some mischief
For energy confined
Tempers, pointless arguments
Are those that spring to mind.
8th April, 2020
I’ve lost track of the bin men,
I’ve lost track of the days,
I wander round benighted
In an existentialist haze,
I lean against the kitchen sink,
I hover by the door,
I wonder what I’m doing here
And what I’m looking for.
7th April, 2020
Summer is a-coming in
Loudly shout "Boo-hoo!",
For we are closed up in the house
With nothing much to do.
I’d love to wander through the trees
To roam some distant shores
But travel mags are just a drag
When we have to stay indoors.
6th April, 2020
Our gracious Queen has spoken,
She’s rallied all the troops,
Advised us to obey the rules
Not gather round in groups,
She sounded very serious,
She said we’ll meet again
But like the well known wartime song –
She didn’t tell us when.
5th April, 2020
Don’t go out in the sunshine,
Don’t go out in the air,
There’s lots of nasty viruses
To catch you unaware,
The pollen count is rising
The UV rising faster,
If you go down in the woods today
You’ll meet with a disaster
4th April, 2020
Speculation, rumour,
Opinionated views,
I’m fed up with the media
I’m fed up with the news,
They put the blackest spin on things,
Rejoice in gloom and fear,
Believe in less than half you read
And nothing that you hear.
3rd April, 2020
When time hangs heavy in your hands
There’s lots of things to do,
Puzzles, chess and scrabble
I’ve thought of one or two.
The few and simple pleasures
When you are stuck at home
Result in unsurprising things
If you’re not on your own.
2nd April, 2020
Isolation, unhappiness,
Businesses shut,
Extinction Rebellion, is this what you wished?
To cut down pollution
You sought a solution
And Nature responded in spades - with a twist.
1st April, 2020
Oh to be in England
Now that April's here,
I’d love to see you, darling,
But please don’t come too near.
A bow shot from beyond the eaves
The groceries the van man leaves
And so our panic state relieves
Because we’ve got a slot.
31st March, 2020
Home schooling? Who’s fooling,
The children run riot.
Why can’t I? Don’t want to.
Why can’t they be quiet?
We’ll fight on the beaches,
They’ll fight on the stair,
When boredom takes over,
They'll fight anywhere.
30th March, 2020
Bring me my deck of tarot cards,
Bring me my crystal ball,
I want to scan the future
To see what will befall.
There’s graphs and models on the web
And algorithms too,
But just between the two of us,
They haven’t got a clue.
29th March, 2020
The clock goes forward, not enough,
Should be six months at least,
We need some reassurance
When we can go off piste,
The media loves drama
And the panic that ensues,
So keep your equilibrium
By rationing The News.
28th March, 2020
With apologies to Lewis Carroll and Dame Vera Lynn
You are old, Father William, the Health Worker said,
You really should self isolate,
It’s people like you
Who are vulnerable too,
And shouldn’t go dicing with fate.
In my youth, Father William replied, with a glare,
We had far bigger battles to win,
But we’ll see it through
Just like we used to do
With good humour and plenty of gin.
27th March, 2020
Alas for those now stuck indoors
With teenage hormones raging,
Testosterone when not confined
Is really not engaging.
The energies they should run off,
Impossible when gated,
Close contact with our dearest ones
Can be over rated.
26th March, 2020
Be careful what you wish for
For someone hears your prayers,
It isn’t just Alexa
Who’s in the Cloud upstairs.
I wish I needn’t go to work,
The work will come to you,
I wish I mustn’t go to school
That’s been fixed up too.
I need some previous me time
A space to call my own,
Boris has arranged it
You have to stay alone.
The thoughts that flicker briefly,
The idle words we’ve said,
Are apt in times of chaos
To come back on our head.